Becoming Grace
by SPN-LOVER-FOREVER
Summary: Sam and Dean have never had it easy, but things have never gone this far. Dean and Cas, Sam and Gabriel, both couples will be put to the test in what they believe to be just another round of Winchester-Life-Sucks. But what they don't know, is that all f it is part of a much, much bigger plan.
1. Chapter 1: Stupid Angels

Dean was drunk. He usually was, now that there was nothing holding him sober. Castiel was gone, Sam was in the Pit, Lisa and Ben were gone, and Bobby hadn't contacted him for over 6 months. What was to stop him from drinking himself to death now? _Cas_... That feather-winged bastard had flown off after Dean gave him a drunken confession 3 months ago. _I love you, Cas_. The words were slurred together, hardly comprehensible, yet Cas hadn't bothered to stay and figure out if he meant it or not. Nooooo, see, that coward with a halo had to go on and freakin' fly off like the scardy-angel he was.

Dean was in the bathroom, washing his jacket in the sink. Frustration built within him while he scrubbed. Unfortunately, the anger also made him sober. _Stupid son of a bitch. Can't even bother to show up during a hunt. Got my ass handed to me by a couple of demons! Can't believe that flaky son of a bitch... Should've known better than to fall for a damn angel in the freakin' first place. Stupid stupid stupid,_ He thought agitatedly.

Out of habit he looked up into the mirror and jumped. "Damn it, Cas. Don't do that!"

"My apologies. Dean-"

"Don't, Castiel. Just don't. You don't have to explain. Me and my big mouth get the picture, okay? Don't make this worse than it already is."_ No, please. Explain. Tell me why you left. Tell me why I had nightmares and woke up screaming your names for weeks after you left. Tell me you're sorry and that you've fallen for me. Please don't listen to me. Don't take my orders with a smile for once in your over-obedient life. Please?_ But Dean doesn't say that. He bites his lip, and waits for a reply.

"I... As you wish." _You stupid coward_, Dean thinks. "I came because I wanted to let you know that I've decided to go back home. To Heaven. I have not seen my brothers since Lucifer," _You mean Sam. Say Sam you piece of crap_. "Was thrown into his cage. I miss them." _Yeah right. You're just waiting to get the hell out of dodge because you know just how pissed I am at you_. Cas, at least, has the decency to look apologetic in his eyes. But that's not what Dean wants to hear at all. It's not what he cares about. It's the wrong order of the words he wants.

He gives a hollow laugh and shakes his head. Cas gives his signature head-tilt in confusion. "Nothing, I just find it hard to believe that we came all this way together and you're just gonna ditch town and leave to be God's bitch again." Castiel stared at him. "I miss my brothers, Dean. You of all humans should understand the longing sensation I feel." _You're seriously bringing up Sam right now? You and your stupid wings that aren't even on this plane are bringing up the only family I have and can't save right now? Fuck off!_! But Dean keeps his mouth shut. He turns his back to the Angel of the Lord, and walks out of the bathroom, toward the door. He's very near shaking with anger. He pauses with his hand on the doorknob.

"I knew you didn't care about humans. It was all part of your elaborate plan to screw with me. Well, that's fine with me. Don't let the door hit ya on the way out, you rotten piece of crap." He mutters, knowing the angel will hear him perfectly.

"Dean." Castiel's voice is feet from his, gravely and low, rumbly in his chest. It's all Dean can do not to punch him in the face and shatter his hand again. "What?" He demands without turning around.

His shoulder is grasped firmly and yanked backward, spinning him around. His lips are crushed with Castiel's in a desperate kiss. It isn't perfect. It's scary, rough, harsh, desperate, but then again, so is the life of a hunter. Dean has no idea what the hell all of this is, what all of it means. His mind isn't working properly, filled to the brim with Castiel's scent and taste. He can't breathe. Doesn't want to. Doesn't want this to end. Right when he thinks this could go on forever, Castiel breaks away, leaning his head on Dean's for a moment to catch the breath he doesn't need.

"Goodbye, Dean." He whispers, and disappears. A tear slips through Dean's amber green eyes. And people wonder why he thinks Angels are such Dicks.


	2. Chapter 2: Time Is A Son Of A Gun

3 years have passed. Passed with nightmares, random bars, drinks at 2 in the morning and screaming girls who he never called back. Passed with sleepless nights and angry mornings. Passed with preying and yelling, screaming himself hoarse. Passed with periods of pain and drunken rages. But as the time passed more and more, it passed with nothing.

It took a while but 3 years later, Dean is still there, and he's moved on. He finished being angry, because he got tired of it. He finished being depressed because he knew it got him nowhere. Finished at the 3 year mark with a knife blowing away another demon and a smile as he knew he'd completed yet another round of demon hunting. Sam was back, too. He was there throughout it all. He came back about 2 weeks after Cas left, and when he found out what Cas had done, he wanted to kill him. 3 years later, he still did. Because he saw just how much Cas had hurt his big brother, and he hated it.

On a random Thursday afternoon, Dean and Sam were at a hotel. Sam was at the cafe down the street, getting Dean his banana cream pie, and Dean was stuck unloading everything from the Impala. ("Always with the scissors, Dean")

He turned around and nearly dropped the duffle bag. Because a he'd been told he'd never see again was there. Cas...

"Cas... It's been long..." He said after getting over his surprise. And all that anger came rushing back in the very first 3 seconds that it took for his world to rotate upside-down.

Castiel's POV:

Dean looked well. No bags under his eyes, no scars from hunts. No hitch in his throat from the impurity of alcohol. His chest bulged through the black t-shirt he had on under the leather jacket, and when he walked, the legs inside the washed-up denim jeans still had the spring in his step. Had he moved on without Cas? Was the angel too late to return?

"Hello, Dean." He says. Cas doesn't really know what to say. The last words before this was goodbye. How do you move on from that? Castiel was an all-knowing Angel, yet this whole speak your mind was very confusing. Humans were very confusing creatures, and Dean was every worse than most.

The hunter walks toward the hotel without saying much else, and the angel quickly follows behind.

Dean's POV:

He was near shaking. Again. Anger clouded all other thoughts out. Anger and longing. The longing was almost unbearable, and anger was an escape. The only one that Dean had. He was a Winchester, after all. Didn't Winchester's tend to lost tempers quickly?

Castiel followed him to the motel, and Dean was just about to sock him in his Angelic face, broken hand or not. Should Cas say the wrong thing, Dean would lose it. He was just inches from his hand being brought across his face already.

They got to the door without speaking, before Cas broke the tense silence. "Dean, I..."

"Don't even go there, Cas. Don't even bother."

"But, Dean, I'm sorry."

"About which part? The kiss? The goodbye? The not answering my prayers? The leaving me to die? The leaving me? What part, Cas? Which part are you sorry for?"

"All of it. Dean, I'm sorry." Castiel's eyes were burning with sorrow and regret. Yet Dean felt nothing but the longing to pay him back for everything he ever did to him.

Dean was back inside the room, but he turned around once in the middle of the room and threw down the duffle bag in frustration. "No you're not, man! You're not sorry, you're just playing sorry! You left, Castiel! You did this to me! Don't think I can just forgive and forget that! It's been 3 _years_, Castiel," He spits venomously.

"3 years, and not once did you even bother to check on me! Not once did you check to see if I was alive! You kissed me, and vanished from my life. You're no different than all the other angels that wanted to dick around in my life! You're _no_ fucking _different_ than them!" He yells in the Angel's face. He's pissed, but Cas was never one to be able to let people accuse him of things and not defend himself.

He lets anger surround his Grace, and he gives a nasty, "And it killed me every day of every month of every year to not be able to return to you! You're a selfish human, Dean! You sit there and accuse me of hurting you, what do you think happened to me when I could hear all of you're prayers and not be able to do anything about it?!"

"Selfish? I'm selfish? Selfish enough to give up my childhood to raise Sam? Selfish enough to go ahead and let him do what he wanted? Selfish enough to ask you for the truth when you were in the holy fire, because I was hoping that maybe, just maybe, you were faithful enough not to lie to me?! Selfish enough to forgive you after you betrayed me?! You're absolutely right, Cas! I am selfish! And damn proud of it!"

Cas flinches, then whispers with a white face, "I didn't come back to argue. Can you just tell me if I can salvage what we have or not? I'm not the angel of Miracles, Dean. I cannot ask you the impossible, when even I know you hate me."

"Honestly? I don't know Cas."

And then Sam walked him with a bag of food, dropped it, and flew at Cas with blind fury and fists raised.


End file.
